My oldest son turned 40 this month, he is working close to 70 hrs a week as essential personnel (postal worker) in Oregon. My younger son lost his job because of the pandemic and was getting by until the feds pulled the plug on their help for unemployed folks, but he’s found temporary work in the cannabis industry. Both of them are in a dangerous situation because of Fire. They are inundated w/ smoke and ash, and a wildfire was less then 30 miles away last night. My husband turned 70 a few days ago and works everyday to continue to do all he’s ever done and not change a single thing.
I remember on Jan 1, saying to myself and a few people, 2020 was going to be a crucial year of change for everyone... personally I had an idea about that. My WisdomWays business would pick up momentum and I’d travel for that, teach and learn, and I would travel for pleasure. On my birthday assessment at the end of August, it was clear I was right and wrong. My business fell off to nothing, yet I’m paying rent to keep a beautiful little office downtown. I did not travel for business or pleasure. All was cancelled. I have done some online learning, loved my animals, the spring and summer in WV, but as autumn approaches, I see the changes did come, and continue to, just not in ways I might have imagined. I would never have imagined the ways people would respond to the “big issues”of the day, covid-19, BLM, natural disasters, and the continued mess and dishonesty within government.
I try to zoom out every so often and see the bigger picture. The person of spirit that I am is aware that evolutionary and revolutionary change is taking place. And I am working to have faith in humankind as a whole... that we will mend ourselves and together heal the bigger diseases of fear and hate. So many inspiring folks, sheroes and heroes stepping forward. I know some of them. In all the suffering and chaos there is opportunity. We can not do everything ourselves.Sometimes I am overwhelmed because I feel I need and want to do it all, yet that just creates anxiety, and then I’m more likely to get stuck, not accomplish any real thing. All I can do is what I can in my own way, at this time and place in my life. And I can trust myself to know the life changes I need to make that will benefit me and others the most while being fully true to myself.
For now I am in this moment writing... but sometimes it is prayer, sometimes drumming and singing, sometimes sharing poetry, sometimes sending letters, sometimes helping one person in some small way, sometimes walking in the woods, sometimes listening to music and dancing, sometimes showing up to a political event, sometimes finding the depth of my optimism and being grateful for all I have. There are many pleasures offered in life. The bigger part is change that happens within. So much of that hinges on letting go, feeling the pain of sadness, grieving for who/what is lost, and remembering love is the first, last, and only way through any of it. I love my children, my grandchildren, my husband, family, friends, and all my critters. I love nature, this small blue and green planet. I often do not have answers, and I’m more free accepting that. I do know love wins the day, we just have to live it.
