Becoming and Unbecoming

Leaning into the second half of my sixth decade on this earth, so many thoughts and feelings come up for a look see that did not, even ten years ago. I think, “who am I now”? After all this living, doing, learning, we change. We must. I can find aspects still there from what feels like several incarnations ago… the child, the maiden, the mother. I am, of course, still a mother, and grandmother, as well, but that essence of being shifted years ago. I think that is healthy, and necessary. It matters not whether you have children, those years of fertile womanhood that carry us from our twenties through our fifties. Ahhh, such a wonderful time of nourishing beauty, creativity, and fullness, yet with so much responsibility attached to it. If we live long enough, at some point the energy of that time of life wanes, and turns elsewhere to what follows.

Throughout our lives we “become more ourselves” as we grow into awareness through our relationships and experiences. Today I am playing with an understanding of the process of unbecoming and what it means. If we refuse to allow the energy of natural transformation, through personal inflexibility or avoidance of change, we may feel more and more uncomfortable in our body, mind, and spirit, perhaps most profoundly in our emotional lives. Depression, anxiety, even grief may loom around the edges or permeate our day to day. And we may not consciously fully understand why we feel as we do. Nothing is static. Look around. The elements, the sun, the moon, the directions, the seasons… there is always movement, always change. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but this is a constant. As I sit on my deck writing this afternoon, I am fully aware of the subtle shift in light, sound of insects, and look of the nearby woods and fields that all herald the transition to autumn.The birth, growth, death, rebirth model is everywhere we look. The Medicine Wheel and The Wheel of the Year are two examples given from other cultures that place us humans within the circle, so we can experience the natural transformation that is the miracle of life. We are very much part of this circle/cycle.

So back to this becoming and unbecoming. I celebrate the wild and free tomboy child, sense the pure emotions of maidenhood with her innocence, romantic aspirations, and seeking ways, and know the courage, effort, and lessons in love that motherhood brought. Yet, I no longer am directed by these energies. To be at peace with what is, relinquishing an image or idea from our past we may have used to define ourselves, is needed. In actuality, the grasping keeps us from it acceptance of ourselves in our completeness, as we are. As we move into the winter of life,(cronehood, for women) we embrace elder wisdom by letting go, allowing our her/history to inform our becoming/unbecoming, and go far beyond who we once were. It is a time of transcendence.

I remember grieving around menopause, although I was nearing sixty. Of course, consciously, I knew I was way beyond wanting children, to even be in that role, but I feared the loss of the sensuality, the creatrix energy that comes from the womb. Though I knew I would carry the lived knowledge of the Mother aspect on with me, I had to choose to unbecome, let go of a fixed idea, and embrace where and what I was moving into. That was eight years ago, and the gift of aging, though it may carry its aches and issues, is really a beautiful place to be on the lifepath. Once we relax into this time we can easily use our intuitive vision, our heart felt wisdom, and find meaningful release of unnecessary trappings. Authentic elderhood brings forth a clear message to speak truth without fear, as part of its purpose. Speak truth to ourselves, as well as to others.

Every morning I do a moving Reiki meditation with words stating the establishment of my divine presence and accomplishment of my divine purpose on this earth. Younger folks feel those words, but as elders we become those words. Who am I now? I am still ever-changing. I am open to becoming, and free to unbecome. I invite you, my fellow travelers, to release and grow, unbecome and become, along with me on our sacred journey.