Morning Dream

In the silence, just before first light comes 

Through the moving curtain, touched by early air,

I dream a waking dream.

I am a girl, young again, standing 

Thigh deep in water, facing the sunrise.

A long shirt of thin white cloth, 

Covers me loosely.

I close my eyes and know water as it is.

Fish nibble my toes and brush my legs.

Smiling, I say words in a strange language. 

Sensing day break, through my eyelids,  

I look out to the brightening trees

On the mountain, and the birds come.

The rosy sky is filled with layers of singing.

Surrounded by feathers, wings encircle me.

I feel the energy of flight in my body.

Turning, I walk, each footstep makes a path.

A few large stones call me to sit among them.

I feel the warmth of morning against my legs,

A  gentle reminder of the heat to come. 

First listening to whispers, then laughter, 

The earth shares poems and tells stories

Without words, but her voice is clear.

I understand. I nod. I pray.

Blessings are given to an old woman who dreams.

exploring the elements (5)–spirit/storm (and politics)

storm rainbow Greenbrier county

It seems a lifetime since I sat down to write. Although this has to do with Spirit (which I had intended to write about somewhat differently next), my focus has shifted. So much happened that called me away. The protests and events in the news precipitated by the murder of George Floyd, and all that has followed took and held my attention. It brought me into a space of personal reflection, feeling through how to best support the Black Lives Matter movement in my own way. All this has been on my mind and in discussions with others.

A fairly political person all my life, still in High School in rural South Carolina, I remember well writing in 1970 a paper for my English Class titled “Black is Beautiful”. I received an “ A+” and supportive comments from one of the two best teachers of my educational career. Place this in time, where there was not full yet integration of schools in my county until my senior year. Black families were required to sit in the balcony w/ a separate outside entrance at the picture show, and were not allowed in the town pool. My Daddy’s (Dr Wise) waiting rooms were designated “white” and “colored”, though there were no doors and everyone could see each other. Working for him in the summer, I learned the protocol was equality based. People signed in, and you took each person back to one of the three examining rooms in that order, no preference to skin color. I pretty much lived a life of white privilege, though I did not know it then. But there were people, experiences, and moments that formed a different response to the culture in which I was born. I read “Life” and “Time” magazines, watched the news, and thought about it. Several black students came to the “White School” as a transition, when I started 6th grade. Some were athletes, and we were on the same teams.I considered all my fellow classmates, and friends.

But I was not allowed to have black team mates to my house, when I wanted to invite Everyone for a post season party. After an argument that I could not win, I chose no party. Yet, Dr Wise served the entire community’s health needs his whole working life, making housecalls to families, both black and white. I went with him often, sat on the porch or in the kitchen while he saw his patient. It was clear he was fair and committed to healing all equally. But even as I child, I witnessed his own personal struggle with racism and its conflict with the message of Christianity. They were following the social/cultural norms of their community and we had a certain status in that community. I witnessed that my parents understood there was something wrong in all of it, but were not able to take different stand. I never felt they encouraged hate at any time, and importantly, they absolutely promoted education and thinking for ourselves.

My family had a black woman begin working for us from my oldest sister’s birth on through when I went away to college. Rosa Lee was a huge influencer in my life. A special relationship of unconditional love, and physical affection existed between us, unlike what I had with my parents. I went to her little house on the ”other side of town” when my parents were gone occasionally and, played with the neighborhood children. I looked forward to it. When I was a child, she was always around, always caring. She was the archetypal nurturer, though she had no children of her own. Her sister worked for my cousins and Lucille, too, was a beloved figure, as was Rosa’s niece that worked for my parents off and on, then again in their last years after she returned to retire from Washington DC to her hometown. These women were all extraordinarily kind, giving people during times that must have been difficult for them. And there was also Levi in tattered overalls with his blue black skin who sometimes did heavy work in my mother’s yard and garden. He let me ride on the back of his mule…a thrill for this equine crazy tomboy. He ate in the kitchen, of course, and I loved listening to him and Rosa Lee talk and laugh. They treated me like family. I saw and felt the disparity when I was young, but rural feels different. Not until traveling to the nearest city to shop, and my mother getting lost, did I see urban poverty from the back seat of our thunderbird. That experience, among others around the same time, affected me deeply. Together they brought inequalities and injustice into better focus, made me question and talk to my pastor, and strongly pointed me toward a trajectory of different thinking.

In 1968, with the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr and Bobby Kennedy (both heroic in my eyes) the Viet Nam war, pronounced civil unrest, as black people continued their struggle for justice, and the Mexico City Olympics. In that moment on the podium of fists raised in black gloves and bare feet, something snapped inside and I walked away from the part of my cultural roots that loudly proclaimed and quietly allowed for and supported racism. I did not return to my 10th high school reunion, because it was only to be a party for the white members of our graduating class. But what is writing a letter, and taking a very small stand compared to those with the foot of racism always on their backs from government and the oppression of separate and NOT equal in their own communities? By the 25th reunion, all were welcomed, my eldest son accompanied me, and it felt right.

Many died before George Floyd. Known massacres…Tulsa OK (1921), Rosewood FL(1923), Colfax LA (1873), Wilmington NC(1898), Elaine AR (1919), and Atlanta GA(1906), lynchings, police brutality again and again. I will not go into the history we were not taught, or the whitewash we were sold, especially as southerners, but informing ourselves is crucial. I wonder if folks who cling to the more palatable version are under the influence of deep guilt, and therefore cognitive dissonance is at play. I do understand that. Ashamed of my own southern-ness for years, I had to make my own peace with it. Racism exists everywhere we go, and has no Mason-Dixon line. One of my Mama’s last spoken thoughts was a wish that she had been kinder to Rosa Lee, who passed before her. She had come to truth of deeper understanding. Being able to say those words allowed her to make the transition ahead without regret in her heart, and with the gift of forgiveness awareness offers.

Yet here we are 2020, where the dark underbelly is being forced into the light. I believe, the ugliness of the last three years was created by folks fearing the loss of the power they know their “whitness” provides, the vocal racists still clearly out there, and a reactionary response to having an erudite black man for president. Fear exists. We know it, and it holds up a heavy m, hard hand to change. Now, we are having a reaction to the reaction. All is out there to be seen. This is an awakening of spirit. All the elements come together in Spirit, creating storm. Storm that cleanses and clears. The Power of Air engages our thoughts, our knowing, and collective values. The Power of Fire ignites our will, reminds us to take action, and create anew. The Power of Water mandates the deep daring required to face our feelings. The Power of Earth tells us to listen, hold all firm within us, and gives us courage. Spirit/Storm is the call to Activism, to be , to trust, and to even surrender to it. At the center of the compass wheel, but spirit can not be explained in any scientific way, as can air, fire, water, and earth. Yet it is the connector, a balancer between stillness and silence and the action of transmutation… change not only of appearance but of form.

Being the best human we can be, requires us to dive into the inner work, and also work outside ourselves in this world we were born into. Service and/or activism can take us forward in everyday ways, in our family, friendships, community, or in much bigger ways. When we balance the gifts of the elements within, the stillness of spirit and the moving cleanser of storm, real healing occurs. This is the sacred space in which we feel, find, and experience love of all kinds. Acceptance, forgiveness, also, of self and others resides here. Let us work to heal our own wounds, the ones that need a holyfire light to see everything clearly, and the burning passion to act for good of all. There are many ways to bring the change. There is not just one way.

We can take to the streets. We can work in political organizations. We can live our lives and dare to speak truth to power, and to those we know well, that still hold fearful/ hateful views. We can live our lives as an example.

Let go of white privilege as we come to understand it better. Stop being complicit in our silence. Have conversations. Ask questions. Listen, because we have lots to learn.

We can make a difference. Spirit wants us to. Storm clears the way.

exploring the elements (4)---(earth)

I love the earth! Earth is home, our green and blue planet spinning through the vastness of space. In my mind, earth has always been synonymous with nature. I resonate most strongly with this element, my sun being in mutable Virgo. The nurturance and power of nature has sustained me through all these six plus decades. I was lucky. I had ponds and creeks, woods and fields, animals, and was left alone to make my way through it freely. As a result, I always feel accepted by Mother Earth, even when I have not in other settings in society. It is where I am still most at ease. My interaction and relationship with her plants, animals, minerals, and the other elements is one of curiosity, reverence, and intimacy. I know I am never alone.

Our breath is an oxygen/CO2 exchange with her plants and trees. We are part of it all, no separation. Earth is alive and we share a deep connection with her even when we are not aware of it. The indigenous peoples and all who live close to the land have this “knowing”. Great wisdom comes from an understanding of interdependence. Chief Seattle (1786-1866) clearly spoke,

“Human kind has not woven a web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.”

We need to expand our definition of kin and community in our lives to include all with which we have relationship…the winged ones, the swimming ones, the crawling ones, the 4 leggeds, the standing ones, the stone people. As someone who works with stones, I am reminded everyday by the power they hold in their structure, their color, feel and shape. They taught me how to go into silence, and slow down my listening to receive their messages. Stones are the wisdom keepers, the record keepers on earth. Transmitters of energy, crystals are highly evolved on their evolutionary path, and willing helpers as we travel ours. Just as plants do, the mineral queendom offers healing for body, mind, and spirit.

Over a decade ago Richard Louv wrote his classic, ”No child left inside”, beginning a sort of “back to nature” movement calling for us to reconnect children with the outdoors. The consequences of that loss are seen in many ways in the lives of our youngest ones, that are often left modeling the lives of their parents. Prior to technology becoming such an enormous part of daily life, children spent time in the wood and ditches, or at least in their yards playing and learning under the sky, clouds, and trees. With a touch of necessary benign neglect, we were free to explore, and free to do nothing. Free to listen, to feel, to be. As adults, disconnection from our earthhome leaves us stressed, depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed. And so follow the children. They see us, and their lives seldom support connection to the spirit of an embodied childhood in nature these days. Since the industrial revolution, society pushed a different agenda for success and happiness, and the divide began and continued to grow. Nature that brought access to spirit through its beauty and wonder, became something to use or subdue. Now is the time to reclaim our place on earth, restoring balance and creating harmony for ourselves and to our earthly home.

We must be grounded to do this work, present in our bodies, to fully experience our relationship with earth. We can let go of all the static from our thoughts, with awareness. We can focus on the energy coming up from the earth into us, filling our body vessel, and let distractions fall away. Feel our roots grow down. Breathe in the energy from the mother and let out outbreath fill the body with the energy of her constant presence. Sit with the power of her support. Important in meditation and ritual, grounding is no less so in the activities of our day to day living. Grounding brings us into alignment, helping us recover our balance, integrate spirit and body, providing stability and ease. Gratitude to the earth for all she does if we just let her! We can choose to walk the beauty path each day, acting with consciousness.

Today I go barefoot, sensing that grounding energy coming up through my feet…so good for my wellbeing, and with my hands working the soil, planting seeds, and saying prayers, I smile. Gardeners know the secret of opening to the blessings of earth energies. Watching and tending a garden through the seasons, and nurturing it along is soul fulfilling work, and it centers us. I find real magick in growing flowers, all kinds, but am a true lily lover, and I also await the end of summer for the blooms of the heavenly blues that greet me each morning when I have my coffee. Twining around the deck bannisters, their splendid radiant color connects the sky to the earth with their bright glory. This afternoon with its mix of sun and rain, I see the peonies and purple iris are opening, the trees are fully leafed out, and fecundity rules. Up on the mountain there is a celebration of every shade of green.

The elemental compass has earth resting on the north point. Its always been the point of power to me, representing winter, the dark of midnight, time of rest and incubation. It is associted with Mystery, with a capital “M”, and the power of silence. The physical body, bones, crystals, stones, and the colors black, brown, and green, are all associated with the earth. And here is where I envision the great earth mother. Lately I have come to revere Pachamama, as understood by those of the Incan tradition. She is earthmother, fertility goddess, and independent, omnipresent female spirit overseeing the planting and harvesting of crops. One with the mountains, with her generous, self sufficient creative power, she presides over life on earth. Like Gaia, from the Greek, and Danu from the Celts, and every other ancient tradition, Pachamama is the primordial mother of life, a feminine deity that protects and sustains her children.

With every heartbeat, with each step, each breath, honor and bless the earth, in return for all the blessings given. Let us begin again- to listen, to sense, to learn.

Grow things- in a garden, in your house. Lay flat on the ground and close your eyes. Find a stone totem to keep in your pocket. Sleep outside sometimes. Really notice trees, and be fully with them. Love the animals and care for them. Get outside for awhile everyday, in every season. Take off your shoes and let your feet touch and remember the earth. When you eat, acknowledge the earth, and all the elements, plants and animals that brought the food to your plate, and be thankful. Watch the changes in nature in a familiar place day to day, week to week, month to month, through the cycle of a year on earth. Feel the mystery. Know your connection. Hold the moments of wonder and beauty close.

Earth is sacred.

Mitakuye Oyasin

exploring the elements (3)---fire

Today the sun burns bright, pouring gold on the 100’s of shades of green that are late May’s dress up clothes. The color of sky, blooming flowers, and all it touches, as I sit writing on the deck, is enlivened by sunlight. I love the sun, the heat, the expansion that exists because of it.Today my attention rests on the vivid red honeysuckle planted for the hummingbirds a few years ago.Within it I feel nature’s expression of fire on earth. But even on the starkest winter day, the fireball sun gives its energy creating contrast in the landscape. In many traditions the sun is Father, or Grandfather, the male counterpoint to Grandmother or Sister moon.The fiery outer, active, creative force balances the deep, dark receptivity of the feminine (water). Of all the elements, fire is probably considered most dangerous.Though air brings tornados, water floods, earth quakes, fire with its unpredictability of volcanos erupting and wildfires raging seems much less controllable. We are warned from childhood, not to play with fire.Yet, fire is the warmth of hearth and home. Fire is also the peace and hope of candles burning.

We gather around the campfire to tell our stories, sing songs, and ponder the mystery. It sustains us and, in its unique way, brings community. The holy spirit is seen as a flame in the Christian tradition. All world religions, and indigenous peoples have strong associations with fire. We speak of the spark that begins life. Remember, there is a burning molten core inside the earth mother, our closest life sustaining star, and all those that fill the night sky. I was attuned to the energies of holy fire in the Reiki that I practice. We know fire is transformative energy, like all the elementals, cleansing in its own way. Out of the ashes the phoenix rises. Humans have a deep unconscious fascination with fire, its power, and potential dangers. We know the heat of desire, sexual attraction and pleasure, and the passion of creativity that we feel “burns” within us. We experience, in moments of true awareness, the powerful focus akin to lightening striking the earth. Remember Saul on the road to Damascus? And it is in the heat of the forge that humans created tools of both war and peace, the sword and the plow. So fire is paradoxical, as are all elements, and can be supportive and nourishing, or destructive when out of balance. Although essential for us to live our lives on earth, fire gives a clear reminder to pay attention and treat its power respectfully.

On the elemental compass fire follows the eastern position of air, residing in the south, with its quadrant ending with water in the west. Fire needs air to burn, then water comes after, keeping balance and control in the west. When not connected to our deeper feelings from a place of wisdom, the fire of anger can do harm to us and others. We need fire to motivate us, spur us on, and express our will and intent. I believe there are times for righteous anger where change is needed, to evoke courage, and when injustice needs a voice.

The tarot symbol and tool on the elemental altar expressing fire is the wand. A wand symbolizes primal energy and inspired creativity, ambition and expansion.We have old tales from many cultures of the magick wand, a stick that directs incantations or prompts transformations. Used for good in the Cinderella story, we easily relate to wanting wishes to come true. But it takes the heat of the sun for earth to do its alchemy, inner passion to catalyze our creativity, warm pleasure of commitment to the home fires that offer communion and connection in a daily way. Fire is our guide in manifesting our wishes, moving them to action, and expression.

Stir the pot. Lay in the sun. Wear red and orange. Light a candle. Build a fire. Dance an ecstatic dance. Create an adventure.

There is magick in the mundane. Raise your energy. Channel your life force. Feel empowered joy. Fire is sacred. Enter the fire.

exploring the elements (2)---water

The last few months have been wet. The end of winter and coming of spring changed little as winter was milder than usual, and spring cooler. But both have seen much rain, from days of drenchers to intermittent showers. The barn lots have been a mess of muck, that sucking mud that holds your boots tight. Muddy horses stand with heads down, backs against whichever way the wind blows the cold rain in, when they don’t choose to be under the shedrow. Because of course they want to be out munching that delicious new grass. Damp hens look for places during daylight hours to get out of the worst of it and still find those earthworms that wash up from the saturated earth. Wet dog smell permeates the house.

Not a fan of long periods of cool, cloudy, and damp, this season has been an opportunity to open the senses wide and acknowledge the blessings of water. Beyond the mesmerising rhythm of ocean, majestic waterfall, or rocky river, we love water. It shifts something in us. Baptised this year by the constant, yet essential cleansing stream from the sky, I remember farmers pray for rain all summer. I recall how often our recreation is interwined with water. Animals live nearby a creek, lake, or river because it creates an environment for them to thrive. Humans feel called to be near it as it nourishes our spirit selves with its energy. We drink it for health and to quench our thirst. We shower and bathe our bodies. In religions we may dance for it, cleanse our souls in it, or christen a baby with it. We swim through it, delighting in the rush around our body. We travel down or across it, for pleasure of being “on/in the water.” And we are largely made of water ourselves, after all.

As an element, water, dwells in the west on the compass, the place of feeling and emotion. Always in motion, water is known by an understanding of transition, of “flow.” In the tarot deck, water, symbolized by cups, looks at feelings beneath the surface, and all emotions moving and shifting through our lives. Water has depth, carrying the deep unconscious below, and yet, light reflects light off it. When calm, it can be a mirror. Water is transformative, as it shapes to its container, and is ever changing. Restorative to our body and spirit, water adds beauty and meaning to our daily lives. I think about words often. River rhymes with giver, and ocean with emotion. That seems right. Without water and connection to feelings we would lead parched lives. Salty tears fall from our eyes in times of grief and sadness, when we are joyous, or touched by deep feelings of love and caring.

The balance on our blue planet is precarious in these modern times. Humankind has lost its way of being stewards of our precious resources, or even to acknowledge their importance. Years ago government created The Clean Air and Clean Water acts, but most recovery and protection work has been done by small (sometimes larger) groups of committed citizens. We dam the wild rivers. We send our waste into our water sources. Decisions are made with no thought of damage to the blood of the earth. The correlation between the wellbeing of our physical bodies and our spiritual selves is enormous, but neglected. Like air, water is life. And water is sacred. Without it, we can not live. Without emotional connection and awareness of our feelings, we do not feel alive. We are separated, isolated from ourselves, and others. This is an illness. Water as an elemental force, can show us the wayback to ourselves.

Tonight I stand under a new moon sky, listening to the spring peepers calling out loudly their chorus of thanksgiving for the water. So I welcome this season of falling rain, and the glory of green that inevitably follows. I welcome the sponge of soft earth, grey clouds, and hours spent in the house or barn, or just reading in bed. I listen to the sounds on the roof. I see its power in the swollen streams and creeks. I claim my connection to water, to my deepest feeling spirit, to change and growth. May we all be blessed by water, and may we honor it.

exploring the elements (1)---air

In this season of spring, although the earth is greening with the sun offering growing light and heat, it is the elements of air and water that have my full attention. We have had more than showers of rain, or spring breezes this year. The transitions between the seasons always have reminders for us, messages, if we pay attention. This year, such days of wind, I seldom can recall. One can not talk about the element of air, without speaking first of breath. Transitions between birth to life, and life to death depend on that first and last breath. It is breath that sustains us. We breathe. Our cells breathe. Breath is life.

When we go to the wheel of the year, we begin in the East. It is air that resides there, aligning with the energies of spring, sunrise, new life, the winged ones, awakening sound, clarity of mind. It is birdsong on an early morning. It is the air moving in our throat when we sing or speak. It blows across the mountains, and oceans, carves patterns in desert sands, rustles the old dry weeds and grasses left standing after the winter. Air brings freshness. Air brings life.

Connected to our thoughts, ideas, and learning, air is an educator. Related to our intellect, swords in tarot, or the athame in the Practice, air w/ its associated tools, supports us cutting through confusion, bringing the world into focus, and supports our discernment for truth. 2020, coming into spring, has had much on the wind. Covid- 19 has us looking closely at our personal breath, our community’s health, and the world’s viability and values. I’ve heard so many say “they were holding their breath” in the last 3 months. We have been required to literally “see” the preciousness of breath, ours and the earth’s. I can not help but know in heart and mind, it is the correlation with the degradation of our air and water on the planet (with other complex environmental factors/climate change) that has brought us to the point we are now with the global coronavirus pandemic. After decades of burying our heads into “not looking.”

If we are to use the gifts of the elements to empower us in this crisis, air tells us to begin again and to make a new start, one that shows us how to breathe with intention, in a grounded in the earth, into a place of coming back into balance. By using the gifts of our clear knowledge, we break down the old rickety structures and systems that have not served us very well for so long. There is a quote that comes to me that says something like, “Who knows where the wind blows?” The wind is blowing everywhere, and it wants to clear the way for a re-claiming of wisdom that sadly self serving humans lost along the way during our short tenure here. Re-claim, not by going backward, but forward, with power based in honorable co-creation with all living beings. Air offers insight. Air blesses us with every breath. Let us return the blessing.