Celestite

2 pieces on the garden wall

I haven’t written about stones for awhile, always kind of letting them decide who and when.They have been unpacked and cleansed and settling in for a few weeks now. Today when I went in to the healing space to strip the bed, I heard Celestite ask to move off the window sill, letting me know that they did not like it there. So, I asked them where, and like an orchid… in the light, but not direct light, now for these beauties. I asked if they wanted to be my subject of a writing. I felt their response was joy, so here goes.

Celestite resonates with both water and wind elements, aligning with 5th, 6th, 7th, chakras and all etheric chakras above the head. Found in the interior of geodes, or in clusters, this heavenly blue stone is associated with the celestial realms. An important stone for these times, celestine has within it the energy to accompany human consciousness into higher realms, where we can experience the vastness of the sky, free from thoughts and concerns of our physical life here on earth. Its gentle energy and ice blue ray offers deep peace and embodies tranquility, allowing our mind to transcend into upper levels of being. There is a quiet strength in the message celestine brings. It tells us, if we can open our minds to the vastness of spirit, we will be supported through the difficulties of our time in “earth school”. Placed on the third eye, Celestine opens us to possibilities of a new blueprint for peaceful existence on our planet…one that can be made real in the physical world.This sparkling ally is a perfect stone for awakening the visionary aspect of who we truly are, and showing us our divinity. We begin to “see” heavenly messages for us out in the world. With this stone in hand, an envisioning awareness is activated and is available for creating solutions to problems, personal and planetary. Restoration of harmony is possible and we feel uplifted by celestite’s energy in these challenging times.

Celestine from a slice of geode

At the same time it provides strong personal security as we move dimensionally from lower levels of thinking and more into pure being. We find flow is more easily accessed. As it is also a stone of communication, our abilities to connect with angelic spirits (especially the archangels), beings from beyond earth, and even our departed loved ones, is heightened when used in meditation, and is our intention. Excellent for calming an over active mind, this stone can be especially valuable at times of emotional upheaval. Celestite offers serenity as well as comfort when grieving, allowing tears to come, a release of emotions, and seeing the bigger picture. There is a strong maternal energy present in Celestite, which makes it a wonderful stone to keep in a child’s room, or anywhere, really. Maybe place a cluster on your work desk or by your bed (as it is also valuable to use in dreamwork). Pieces of rose quartz, amethyst, and celestine together create a triumvirate of love, peace, and connection to the Divine.

On the physical plane, celestite soothes inflammation, clears infections, and relaxes tense muscles or muscle spasms. This ally is also good for issues with the eyes.

Small polished pieces for a pocket or layout.

Looking for Cows and Finding Angels

The lane in front of my gates

It has been almost a month since I sat to write, though I have ideas fill my head everyday. No space in my new casita yet feels like an “office”. My dining table could serve, but no nearby outlets without fumbling with a long extension cord to create an office corner, and it is my least favorite room to be in now, serving as path to the tiny kitchen. With a bag of dog food on a chair, my large box of horse tack with no place to go, a hutch ( available from my landlady with a few other furnishings) holding my dishes, my fridge and microwave. In Tzintzuntzan I worked on the patio everyday. Here, I do not (yet) have a feasible outdoor space with shade, or  comfortable outdoor furniture. But the main excuse, is I was busy packing up, moving, arranging things, shopping for what I deemed necessities, and all that went with coming to this little yellow house in the rancho of Las Cuevas. Settling in here has taken some time and remains a work in progress, but I really love much about it. Closer to Patzcuaro than before, and certainly much quieter than festive Tzintzuntzan. This area has an open, lovely landscape and feels good to the spirit. 

But no more excuses, there are stories to share. Each day, usually late afternoon I turn right out of my gates with the pups and head up the road that turns from stone and gravel, to dirt and rock,  and finally to dust. It passes by lines of stone fences with barbed wire or metal gates. Many nopal cactus, some trees, cows, volcanic rock covers the ground, all filling the landscape, and a beautiful view to the mountains if I turn, is always there. I have seen the man on the mule a few times, coming and going, but by late afternoon, all is quiet, except for the consistent late afternoon wind. I have found a few easy crossings into pasture land and explored off the road to find draws full of long shadows and channels that will fill with water come rainy season, even a pond. One day I walked until I was at the top, and finally came to one house set back behind fences and a healthy avocado orchard. From there you could see the mountain with the tower atop, over behind Tzintzuntzan. Seeing the tree covered friend, that I walked many times in my first three months in Mexico, in a different light, from a different angle made me smile. A sense of place orientation connected to feeling is always meaningful for me. That was about two miles up the road, and I had to turn and head back as the sun was growing lower in the sky. I would love to take a horse, and keep going, but until that day, I will have to start early morning and continue on to return, before the hot part of the day.

Heading back from a walk

Three days ago, I started out later than usual with the pups, of course, and an old beater of a red truck passed by. I waved, and said “Buenas Tardes”. They passed, then another four hundred yards I saw where it had pulled over near a gate, thinking folks are checking on their livestock, or maybe harvesting some nopal from their land, and kept on going. After a bit, up ahead, I saw the woman, perhaps some older than me, in her skirt and shawl walking towards us, looking down at the ground. When we met, she began to explain, and though I could not understand the details, from a few words and observing, I understood she was “buscando una vaca” searching for a cow.  We tracked together for a few yards, and then I recalled, maybe eight hours earlier, seeing a cow come trotting by my gate. I was out in my outer yard and saw what looked like a black and white holstein go by. Seeing cows in or around roads is not unusual here. Then I saw a young man on a motorcycle go by in the same direction. I didn’t know if they were together, but took it all in. I did my best to share this with the woman. She responded that “Si!” their cow was blanca y negra, like the one I saw. We walked and talked all the way back to her truck. She loved my dogs, and shared the information I had with her husband. They loaded up their dogs in the bed of the truck and headed back toward the rancho, where I had last seen the cow heading. We smiled and waved.

This is a simple story, but I felt there had been a meaningful exchange (for me), and I felt a step more into being a small part of this community. I recognise the folks on my lane, we acknowledge each other. The young man across the street has some English. We talked about his wife, and son, his horses, cow… and I shared a little about me. He offered to help me in any way he could. I thanked him, and added, I would be pleased to help his family with the animals, if they ever needed to be away, or in other ways. Since then I have met Martha Jonathan, and a cousin. Soon I will walk to the small tienda in town. It is where everyone meets at different times of the day. I have driven past many times, smiled, waved, greeted, but haven’t gone down the hill on foot yet. There are some dog “enforcers” sleeping or overseeing their territory that has kept me from walking my two down.  I have seen them go high alert when other dogs in the back of trucks go by. But I want and need to “go to el rancho”, and buy a limonada or cervaza, jitomate or huevos.  I need to see what is in the store, and also see and be seen on foot, rather just in my car heading out and in.

Cactus and sky

My lecciones de Español begin next week, with my goal to concentrate on get better at speaking and listening/understanding over the next year(s). Communication with my landlady, my neighbours, and participating in all the ins and outs of daily life in Mexico will be so much richer and fuller once I have better skills and confidence. What I do now is use the words I know, adding in my own brand of charades to try and “be heard”, but I want to understand the responses, as much as I want to speak. This leads me to angels. I have been to Mexico three times total, every time I have had angels.

In Mexico City, Tepoztlan, Morelia, and Patzcuaro, I some known, some unknown angels, wete present for me when there could be a “situation”, one that might evolve into a high level of anxiety, at least. The first time I came here in 2016, I was lost, in Mexico City, no Spanish, I had just closed my eyes in the bus terminal, and was taking a few deep breaths to empty my head and formulate a plan. I am sure I said a few words affirming, “ this can be sorted out.” Clearly I could not find a bus to where I needed to go, as I was aware of having taken a bus to the wrong terminal, and unable to communicate. When I opened my eyes, a young man was standing in front of me. He spoke English, looked on his phone at bus terminals, schedules etc…took my suitcase, put me in a taxi, got me across the city to where I needed to be. Once there I saw the sign, bought my ticket, waited 30 minutes and caught a bus to Patzcuaro, a five hour trip, where someone was waiting to take me to a cozy bed. In Morelia, in 2018, I left my wallet at of the ticket counter at a movie theatre, the night I went with a group see “The Shape of Water”. I didn’t even know it until the next morning. A friend and I went to Morelia the next day, and there it was, behind the desk, everything as it was, an unknown angel, watching over a distracted American woman.

There are several other stories to share. Being taken care of, like when I “partied” apparently too hard and fast with kind folks celebrating a Birthday. I passed out. When I came to, I was on the ground with people holding up my arms and legs and talking to me. Then they sat me up and eventually got me to my room, coming later to check on me. And I was fine, albeit embarrassed in the morning. Angels. Recently, I had taken a lamp I bought in town back for a chain repair, and to place a downpayment on some custom shelves being built for me. The woman I had been dealing with was not there, as it was late afternoon. But Jesus was. Alone at the store, a workman, he repaired my lamp, took my downpayment gave me a receipt. His English was about the level of my Spanish, but we “talked” awhile, then I left. I had just gotten home, when my phone rang, a Mexican number unknown to me. I answered. It was Jesus. Finally I figured out what he was telling me. I had left me wallet at the store in town, and he was calling to let me know. It was almost 7:00. I asked how much longer he would be there, and he said he would wait for me. So back in the car I went, 20 minutes and there it was. I told him he had saved my life, “Me salvaste la vida”. I was carrying more pesos than usual, but it was my visa temporal, credit cards, driver’s license, et al the would be the huge hassle to lose. I offered him a reward, he refused, I smiled and bowed with prayer hands and told him, he was an angel (my angel). And he was. 

Today, carpintero Mario came to my house with his wife, sister-in-law and ninety four year old madre. He came to measure for cabinets in my kitchen and hall,  much needed, and exciting to have done, but their presence here was the true gift to me. We shared ideas and feelings over an hour, discussing connections between people, healing, energy, and family. He told me about his wife’s shoulder. I scanned it, and said, I would love to work with her on the table once I have my healing space and tools in place, (very soon, I hope). But, for today I gave her a brief treatment standing in the yard. Guidance said to offer a chevron amethyst, so I dug around and found one, offered a little information of how to use it in self healing. It did not go unnoticed, that over the last week, I have been wondering, how will I offer Reiki and other expressions of energy healing here in Mexico. It is my Lifework, with a capital “L”, and has been hard to put aside for so long, (between the pandemic and the move). Although I use Reiki in my daily spiritual practice, assist folks/situations with distance work, and send conscious healing to the planet (and myself), working with clients one on one is what I long for, again. Seekers of deep relaxation, those that want relief from issues/patterns, physical or emotional, are everywhere in this world. I felt a door to possibility open in this small interaction in my “new” life. My introverted self finds it hard to go talk about myself /the work/practice in public, especially with folks that do not know me well. Sales is not my strong suit. I think of it always as serving, not selling. My webpage, where this blog shows up, and my Facebook WisdomWays page are out there, but haven’t stirred up a huge amount of interest, yet. So, I will see if this angel, Valentina’s, reminder, opens a door that may have gone unnoticed. 

Yesterday, a friend, came out to help me hang the art I had shipped down from the States. He arrives on time, with a pallet of plants from his roof garden, avocados and eggs, all for me, as well as the tools needed for the job. We spent over four hours talking and laughing. Some in Espanol, some in English. Everyday is an opportunity to learn, and just be you, figuring out who and what that is, in an easy way… like putting on your favorite socks, or eating that special comfort food. Much simpler down here south of the border. Balance comes as we release the pressures and anxieties that seem to be a steady diet for most folks in the States. Even a rural retired life. I had my strategies there, most not much needed now. A little breathwork, a few affirmations, some stretching, brief self and other Reiki, and just moving into morning slowly, but consciously is all that I need to maintain peace most days. I am taking care of myself. I am matching up well with energy. Much of what may have been aggravating or even raised anger or frustration within me before seems small stuff. My senses recognise the movement within the circle of life around me and that ebb and flow of activity feels familiar. That truck, always there this time of day loaded down with grass, the man on the blue roan heading south, the older gentleman on the white horse with his perfect posture tips his hat, the dogs of the rancho and what they do, the whinnying of the pregnant mares up the road, the daily ringing of the church bells. Familiarity, no matter how small, provides something the soul needs. Just as the mystery, wildness and unknowns of travel or adventures (of all kinds) do. We all lean one direction or the other, and yet appreciate the excitement, or ease of the other. Balance.There are challenges living here, for sure, but now I feel more of, “It will be fine, I’ll figure it out.” Early to bed, early to rise. Sleeping deep without tension. My patience has lengthened. Answers seem so much less important. Searching for cows, and finding angels is enough. Really, it is bountiful.

Truck filled with grass and a dog

Wheelbarrows, Buckets, and Baskets

I completely enjoy the beauty of sunset, the letting go at end of the day, and experiencing fully that hour of power. I love giving myself over to the mystery so strongly felt under a starry night sky, witnessing the changing moon and her story. But I have always loved the early morning most of all, when it comes to time of day….any season of the year. The promise that lives on the wings of coming light, following the restoration of a night’s sleep, never ceases to awaken joy within me, and the optimism of possibility. 

Getting up and out early here in Mexico is a special treat for the senses, whether you are in a pueblo, rancho, or city. When I first wake, I listen. Yes birdsong is everywhere, and roosters crow, cows low, horses whinny, goats bleat, and pigs squeal. The gas trucks begin their traveling announcements around town. Having my coffee outside I consider my plans, check for new blooms in the garden and enjoy the growing expanse of blue. Heading out in my car, I often follow the same “last gasp” pickup, with old metal milk cans on board. I have watched the farmer stop and make deliveries along the way many mornings. Four leggeds graze out along the road and street sides. Artisans begin setting up and displaying their crafts for sale. Dogs sleep in the sun. To an American (even a rural one like me), much that you see feels like stepping back in time, centuries perhaps. Although there are, of course, trappings of modern life, much here remains traditional, done in the same way for the same purpose, for a very long time. Find the woman with her bucket, that grew the blue corn, ground it, and made the tortillas that morning. Notice the oxen pulling the cart beside the combi van, the SUV passing the burro carrying firewood, the man on his horse, or woman with her staff easily moving animals down the road while traffic waits and breathes in a new day’s air. There is often an interesting juxtaposition of old and new. 

Morning brings out locals pushing wheelbarrows, carrying five gallon buckets or large baskets filled with any and everything. You may even see wheelbarrows carrying young children from place to place, or filled overflowing with grasses, corn shocks, vegetables or fruits, just bought or to sell elsewhere. And from the magic down in those buckets and baskets you come to know the people and their goods. There are the tortilla women, the bakery helpers heading out from the panaderias, and those cooks setting up on corners with steaming tamales or other delights. Watch the daily set up of  stands for eating tacos, enchiladas, burritos Michoacan style, with their steaming pots and sizzling pans, served beneath the shade of trees or from a cart along the sidewalk. Mexico must be the capital of street food. Just smelling the air makes me hungry. And there will always be music. Yesterday I heard an older man singing opera, a young man interpreting Leonard Cohen in Espanol, and the bold baritone voice of a traditional Mexican singer/guitarist in my brief walk around town. Mondays at the Basilica, start early to join the long lines for Quiroga’s famous carnitas, brought over to Patzcuaro ( or just make a 30 minutes drive over for many vendor choices). The daily scene of trucks, full of watermelon, oranges, or mangos, sold by the kilo along the road, and the busy town markets paint a backdrop to all the sights and sounds, smells and tastes. Roasted ears of corn, caramelized whole sweet potatoes, fruit gazpachos (mi favorito) fresh jugos (juices) or agua frescas often flavoured with tamarind, hibiscus, or a blend of fruits, grains, seeds are waiting for you to walk by. By midday, many stands welcome you to try their cheladas or micheladas especial with your comida. And yes you can drink beer out on the street at all the stands. If you are hungry or thirsty in Mexico, you do not have to go far, whether living rural or urban, or traveling 

Last week I joined friends at a spa de aguas termales. After several hours of soaking in hot waters I felt lightheaded, so I decided to buy a little food. I walked under  what seemed to be an obvious menu sign, where a group of people had a table set up covered with food, all talking. I entered, and in my borderline basic Spanish asked them for something to eat. They all looked at me, and within a minute, I realised this family that had come to take the waters and picnic for the day. I smiled and apologised, stepping back. They laughed, and encouraged me to come back and fix a plate, Saying “Here, eat”, offering a beer, as well. That food stand sign also had said “weekends, only” and it was a weekday. So, I learned a new term in Espanol and tell the story, because my experience has been one of warmth and generosity in this culture of food and drink wherever I go. Greetings of “Buen dia or “Buenas dias” are usually spoken to those you meet, or pass, not just the people you know. There is an ease of moving through the day, like light filtering through leaves and finding your face. 

Mornings begin quiet, but become busy. In the coolness life stirs into activity. The sun heats up the air quickly.The landscape has a misty, smoky, slowness to it, but much is happening. Some seasons, fog hangs over the lake and in the valleys for awhile. Around me, people are leaving for work, or beginning the work that sustains them and their families. Without cars, or choosing to be economical, many folks depend on the pretty incredible combi van system to get them where they need to go. Locally, bicycles also get people form place to place. I am not talking about fancy bikes and gear, just two wheeled transportation. And some younger folks have motor scooters. Many days since my arrival in Tzintzuntzan, I have watched an older caballero on his blue roan heading along the road. I notice the nice headset on the horse and the rider’s light hand. He is likely not pleasure riding, but heading out to work somewhere.

Turbo type power tools and a machine oriented way of getting things done is not the norm. I see some tractors, often relics, but they run. Sure, there are fancy tools to be had, and contractors and bigger agricultural companies may need and have them, but the average person has hand tools and whatever materials that can be found around their community, or in nature that can be repurposed and reused. Hands seem to be the greatest tools around, with a knowledge of how to weave a basket or a fence, cut stone, build a wall, form a pot or bowl, gather nopal, pat out the perfect tortilla, make fabric and embroider… all work creating extraordinary beauty with (and from) the ordinary. Some of the fixes I see to “make it work” are unique, functional, and pretty amazing. People here have skills mostly lost generations ago in wealthier counties. It may be a simple life, but living simply is hard work. And it starts early. Wheelbarrows, baskets, and buckets need filling, so they can be emptied. Cycles repeat. The sun rises, the day opens wide, the sun sets, night falls. Wake up again. Stretch. Rise and begin, under the big dazzling Mexican sky. Siesta perhaps from two til four.

Morning Dream

In the silence, just before first light comes 

Through the moving curtain, touched by early air,

I dream a waking dream.

I am a girl, young again, standing 

Thigh deep in water, facing the sunrise.

A long shirt of thin white cloth, 

Covers me loosely.

I close my eyes and know water as it is.

Fish nibble my toes and brush my legs.

Smiling, I say words in a strange language. 

Sensing day break, through my eyelids,  

I look out to the brightening trees

On the mountain, and the birds come.

The rosy sky is filled with layers of singing.

Surrounded by feathers, wings encircle me.

I feel the energy of flight in my body.

Turning, I walk, each footstep makes a path.

A few large stones call me to sit among them.

I feel the warmth of morning against my legs,

A  gentle reminder of the heat to come. 

First listening to whispers, then laughter, 

The earth shares poems and tells stories

Without words, but her voice is clear.

I understand. I nod. I pray.

Blessings are given to an old woman who dreams.

Songlines South

In this bright country, the lovely language is not my own.

Listening, I hear a word I know, catch a meaning, 

And often must say, “No entiendo” 

Or perhaps, “repite mas lentemente, por favor.”

I am trying, learning, studying.

But when I wake from sleep, into the light, 

another tongue I know so well, calls to me.

The voice from a flash of red and black on the line, 

The mewing call of a blue mockingbird from the coraline 

The busy chattering of olive drab from the bushes,

Is not that of my past, more familiar company,  

Yet, they seem to still speak a musical dialect I know.

It is the language of joy, here and everywhere.

In this place full of flight and song, 

In my solitary time, they are my wild family. 

Observing, finding who they are, I say aloud the names, 

And tell them those of their northern cousins.

Sitting, working out in the open air, sleeping dogs at my feet,

These messengers gather in trees, thickets, on the fence, the ground. 

A flock of swallows dip and soar as the day opens wide.

Snow white egrets move gracefully together over the lake.

Near silent hummers dance among the flowers, always in motion.

Tonight, a bit past nine, cozy in my sheets with book in hand,

I hear the whip-poor-will repeat her bedtime story. 

Eyes closed, I thank her, and all feathered kin in my evening prayers,

For the blessings and comfort of their presence, 

Offered freely to the world, without thought or effort.

I dream of a home in this new land, of wings and songs in the air,

Listening, feeling, and living happy among the birds.

True Story - Being Female, Body hair, and the Goddess

My crew in Mexico

This story is not about the beauty of nature, ritual, the spiritual life, or moving to Mexico…or is it? Beneath the surface, what seems a mundane, everyday, woman’s topic, has been percolating for awhile in my thoughts. I am all about symbols and symbolic acts, because there is some expression of truth in them that carries us forward, and beyond. And this is one. Over a lifetime, I have been all over and around this topic, and finally feel I have come to a place in my cronehood of true love for my body, my face, my legs, just the way they are. But I want to start way back at the beginning, working my way through to this present moment (with a few digressions).

As a child I remember sitting on the step outside my parents house, and deciding to sneak in and find a razor to shave my legs. Well, I was a rebellious one, and I knew my Mama had told me that some things needed to “wait until you’re older”, but of course, I was not buying that. Being told a firm “No!” usually made me far more intent on doing something anyway. So in I went, found my sister’s razor and shaved off that fine, soft hair from my legs. It did not take long for me to be found out and scolded. In my memory, I just wanted to be a “grown up girl”, which meant more independent, freer. That’s what I thought, but then I had that stubble that felt weird in my sheets at night, and I did not shave again until I was thirteen. That was when my Mama, told me it was time, and that I should wear a bra too. She went to BC Moore’s and got me a few uncomfortable little bras, a razor, and deodorant. Shave your legs, shave your armpits, remove whatever smell you have. This, in the 1960’s was about as close as it got to a female rite of passage. Gee, what a message. I will add here, that I learned about menstruation from a little book, handed to me about the same time. Embarrassment and shame seemed to be associated with it. I knew it even then. Hide or change who you are when you leave childhood and become a woman..

Right here, I will state that I am still as flat chested as I was at thirteen. People could be cruel about it, so as a teenager I wore “falsies” inside my bra and bathing suit top. I felt such shame about not being a “real” girl with shapely teenage breasts. Yet, I got rid of the bras at 18, when I went to college, but I continued to shave beneath my arms and legs. My freshman year, Gloria Steinem, and Flo Kennedy spoke at my women’s college in Virginia. Having always been a questioner, their words lit me up about my place in the world as a young woman. Feminism was a natural fit. I wanted to personally challenge all the unconscious stuff a male biased culture placed on women. Yet, I also wanted to be accepted. I wanted a boyfriend. Although I recall considering not shaving a revolutionary act of self acceptance, I kept on believing my value to others required me to choose certain norms of “beauty”. Smooth legs were considered feminine, and already I felt lacking in that department by society’s standards.

There are so many directions this narrative might go from here, but the most direct path is that I married my senior year sweetheart the summer after graduation. We were more of the hippie type couple at the time, and I went on to my first stabs at career. Making choices to “fit in” in the working world, I just fell asleep to the “feminist within” and moved on. I hated shaving my legs, but just like washing my hair, I continued on with it as part of what you “have to do”. Around five years into marriage I began to explore “women’s studies” again, how American culture sold us a bill of goods. It is easy to go online now and find a of history of women’s hair removal and the results, some horrifying. I read somewhere that women spend over $10,000 over a lifetime, and over $23,000 if they also wax to be hairless.. Without going deeply into it, briefly, it was  the influence of Darwin’s 1871 Ascent of Man that shifted how we felt about masculine and feminine ideals, including hair and hairlessness. Science became obsessed with hair. Companies saw a way to cash in on it. According to Wikipedia, although the first safety razor was introduced in the 1880’s, it was Gillette in the 1900’s that began pushing into the women’s market, first targeting the armpits, advertising that now women could raise their arms, “without embarrassment”. In the 1920’s hemlines went up, and legs became the next focus of marketing/advertising. Beyond embarrassment, women would be considered manly or unclean if they did not shave their legs… and now, 99% of women remove their natural body hair.

Now back to the story. When I got pregnant, something really came forward within me, I felt the holy power of womanhood. It was 1979, and around the same time I was beginning a deeper exploration into spirituality as a woman. Starhawk’s The Spiral Dance was out and I had found Merlin Stone’s When God was a Woman. After my first son was born, I was certainly letting my hairy freak flag legs and armpits fly. I felt the need to put it out there and be seen, perhaps normalize another way of being for women. Recently, revisiting photos of myself on the beach with my toddler, furry all over, I just felt such great love for that confident young woman. We made a financial sacrifice so I could be home with my children for five full years. Also committed to the homebirth and breastfeeding movement, motherhood was a beautiful time for me. The 80’s brought more and more history, archeology, supporting the women’s spirituality movement, revealing our unique connection to the divine feminine, and each other. Reading Riane Eisler, Marija Gimbutas, Diane Stein, and many others solidified what I had felt was missing as a child, in church, and later when I held feminism as only a political issue in my mind. Now activism appeared to become a more a sacred response to living a life of spirit, directed by a feminine perspective…getting signatures door to door against nuclear power plants, marching and taking action for women’s rights, gay rights, social justice, and environmental issues. A foundational body of work was out there now, supporting our departure from the limited, sanitized life women were expected to pursue and live. We could be revolutionary, rather than secondary, make personal and political choices against standards created by a patriarchal culture and its expectations. Body hair and all, freedom beckoned. Having a voice mattered. Sisterhood. It was empowering!

I want to be clear, thete is no judgement whatsoever of any other woman, and the choices she makes for herself. For me, it is one of those symbolic things, and this is my story. When I went back to work I made some choices to conform in certain ways. The marriage had ended, and not just slightly because of reclaiming some of my lost power as a woman. My ex told my children, I was crazy and that is why he left me. In all honesty, I was. I could not stay sane within the confines of it. Soon after, the warrior archetype in me found expression, as I began bodybuilding. Having been an athlete, and physically strong, it was a natural outlet. It got me through the hardest times around the divorce. But just like men in the sport, women shaved everything down so our beautiful muscles could be seen more easily. Sadly I was advised to continue my success in competition, I should consider breast implants, calf implants and/or take some drugs. I quit competing. Another message from “power” that I was not fine the way I was. About that time I began working for a corporation that offered some relief from a pretty challenging life…good pay, benefits, vacation time…. and friends. So I stayed pretty quiet about who I was.The training I received would become my career for the next twenty five years. I shaved, to present a certain image, but still found myself called into human resources for not wearing a bra, and for playing “odd chanting music” to my little ones during nap. Shut down. Forced to fit in, once more.

But with perfect timing, I found women that were also on their own quest of  connecting with the divine feminine, and seeking other likeminded souls with whom to gather and share. For years we met, created and practiced ritual, honored the moon, the holydays, the Goddess with her many names and faces. We taught and learned from one another, all in the safe container of our circle. This was a deeply formative time. But life moves on, and eventually I left North Carolina, heading back to Virginia for a new position.

As single breadwinner for the family, it was important to be professional in the eyes of the board and administrations. I moved carefully determining how much was safe to show about myself. The 90’s brought Women Who Run with the Wolves, and The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. Much was being written in support of the awakened woman, and feminine spirituality. Women were offered and claiming a new and clearer vision of other possibilities, and the culture in my new town around me seemed pleasantly open, curious and accepting. I was at ease.These were good years.

Love and desire showed up. Marriage followed, and I found myself although sincerely wanting relationship, losing myself again, giving myself away, really. The pressure of changing myself in exchange for full acceptance and love presented itself often.Too many strong hurtful opinions were said out loud. The pain of anger and the anxiety caused by silence of displeasure did damage. I have written a little about this before, and it is different story. Just say, the choice to survive by denying myself brought on a certain level of depression, an emptiness. I was resentful. Why should I have to choose between being myself and being loved? Didn’t I deserve both? How many women have asked themselves these questions?

A new position followed. I was hopeful it would provide a new start, but one does not escape problems by relocating.This school had a religious affiliation. I hesitated, but made clear to the headmaster I was not Christian, though I was raised in and respected the church.That seemed fine with him. It seemed okay to me, a new life might shift things, the marriage might evolve. But I went underground yet again in both my personal and professional life, presenting an outer image that seldom matched the inner reality. There were many things I could put my energy into and enjoy, and I did. I found ways to light up my life, doing the work I loved, bringing spirit to the classroom in small ways, creating joys and beauty in projects at home, as well. Optimism, fuelled by occasional mutual effort, at times felt worth the emotional effort of sticking in there. Enough hope was generated to continue on. I fit myself into roles at work and home that seemed outwardly so good, yet kept me distracted from a deeper pain. There are no villains or victims here, but two people wanting love and struggling through their own personal and cultural trauma. Eventually, I made a few true soul friends. Our commitment and support sustained me during demanding years.

Around the time I was moving toward, and living in retirement, and celebrating my croning, again, something big changed inside me. I declared to stop apologizing for who I was, and what I wanted and needed. Presenting myself in wholeness to the world felt freeing. This soon led to meaningful and healing work, connected to and honoring my spiritual path. Inner doors flew open, letting in more, often unexpected, guidance. I decided to travel, make joyful choices, free myself of conditions or expectations put on me by others, and release those parts within that felt like a hard shell of protection and self sacrifice. Another reclaiming was at hand. My unhappiness had made me into someone I really didn’t know or like very much, and she needed to go. Forgiveness and compassion were meant for me, too. My heart, that had become a tight, painful knot in my chest, so much of the time now, started to release. I finally began to breathe deep again. The outside wants to match the inside. A few years earlier, I had quit shaving my armpits or waxing a bikini line in the summer, and as time passed, I wanted to once and for all, love my furry female body, fully, and embrace it all, without shame…because I could, finally. 

Today, in another country, I rub my hands up and down my hairy legs, view my wrinkled skin in a mirror, feel my little soft belly, acknowledge my sun damage, and I smile. I call out to the elements, the directions, my allies and guides, and the Goddess each day. I ask for guidance. Ritual is my prayer. I beat the drum, chant, and walk the earth. I talk with the stones, plants and animals. I laugh big from my center and weep out loud. For so many years I could hardly cry at all. Healing myself by simply letting me be me, loving whatever appears on my path, and balancing what comes with the wisdom of knowing. I am grateful for all that’s been, all that is, and whatever come. Continuing on this earth journey, I embrace connection to spirit. I happily explore the gifts we are given…having a body, living through the senses, allowing feelings and emotions to inhabit their rightful places, in other words live as a full-hearted woman from the belly of knowing.

This story started about body hair. The wild woman archetype in her full animal magnificence does not need to change how she comes into this world, and makes no excuses for how she evolves. She is not groomed to please a man, a society, a culture based on falseness, the subtle and not so subtle controllers of female energy, or the fearful labels forcing her it into lesser, secondary roles. She has a voice. Listen. She has Power. Speak.

Not separate from, but fully part of. Never less than. Equal in all things.  A big Amen to the end of patriarchal dogma as truth.

Maidenhood, Motherhood, Cronehood. 

Sensuality, Sexuality, and Creativity. 

Receptive. Active. Loving. Spontaneous. 

Realized. Actualized. Autonomous.

Earth My Body, Water My Blood, Air My Breath, and Fire My Spirit. 

She changes everything she touches, and everything She touches, changes.

Addendum: Twenty five years ago I read The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, and I am now re-reading it. The experience  has been a homecoming, a remembering, a deep reflection. Before I left the States, I quickly put it on my kindle. What a wise thought I momentarily had during a busy and emotional time. Amazed and happy I followed through on it.

Morning at my desk

Michoacán Morning

Wind on the water

bird in the sky,

songs from the mountain heart

wait for reply.

Call and response, prayers repeat

under infinite blue,

with earth beneath feet.

Holy, holy, holy, step soft snd light,

hold the stone, greet the pine,

praise beauty, warm sun, bright.

Finding message in the silence,

to a path unknown,

all is here, surrounding us.

this is healing, this is home.

The Beauty Walk

Observations over my early morning coffee, walking the rocky paths, taking in the scenic panorama of mountains, trees, and water, or of people I see, (though right now, many less than I might have imagined) are waiting in me to be put to paper. Messages, stories, new ideas just connecting with each other will be shared. The way a spiritual practice remains the same and changes because of landscape, dreams (night and day), accepting loss and embracing aloneness, birds, flowers, and natural history of Michoacan, love for these stone walls, the shift in the surrounding energies …there is so much to explore and express. But I feel the need to write today about the essence of what brought me here, a more practical look back and ahead, perhaps. 

This last chapter all began in October. The push/pull of conflicting feelings concerning what I was doing in my life has been there for many years. It had begun to feel more crucial over the last decade. Over time it influenced me in multiple ways, both positively and negatively. Eventually, it sent me out to travel, and I returned to reassess, each time. The freedom of solo travel offered adventure and direction. I relished it. Yet once home, I wondered was I living the dream, or was the dream living me? My dreams were changing. Yet, I threw myself into work, “searching, fixing, doing”, often enjoyable, occasionally driven, but honestly feeling more like it all was a distraction from core issues. Yes, there were rewards, though seldom long lasting. I am good at making things happen, good at achieving goals.

There is no judgement here. I have shared my life with a good man. We have been an unbeatable team of getting things done, a rock of support for one another, good together on the dance floor or in the saddle heading down the trail. Yet, we had been approaching a crossroads for awhile. Life changes. People change. Conscious relationship is the way we learn about ourselves, a crucible like no other. Allowing for and welcoming change is necessary, or viability is lost, even as love remains. I found ways to bring joy and beauty into everyday living, although sometimes feeling I compromised myself. The struggle and second guessing was real. I wanted a clear solution, but of course, there is no such a thing. I followed my spiritual practice…continued letting go of having to have an answer, continued coming to live more fully in honest gratitude, more committed to the present, without taking on the emotions of others so readily. Seeing it all as beautiful, facilitated growth. My heart and my soulspirit grew stronger. One day, while working outside on a brilliant autumn day, I felt a “knowing” come to me. I  waited a couple of days before saying it aloud. But the knowledge stayed strong and felt real,  “It is time to go back to Mexico, to stay. You have work to do there.” Choosing to trust such a message, was certainly not easy, as so much would be set into motion by that decision. Over the next three months I learned much about what matters, what the heart knows, and feel an enormous, deep appreciation of the twenty years of experiences that brought me to the place I am now. It has all been done in beauty, allowing the needed process of shedding and letting go, to begin.

 After so much movement to get the farm empty of most animals, furniture, boxes of memorabilia, the house prepared and ready to sell, then the whirlwind of travel with my two pups, down to and through Mexico toward my temporary stopping place, there is finally the beauty of stillness. For a moment there was just relief, a deep breathe, exhaled. Then, the natural end of that big energy in motion, for the several months, came to a silent screeching stop. Emotions, put quietly behind in the caboose for safe keeping, caught up with the engine, deciding they would now be seen and heard. I welcomed them, giving all time and voice. Necessary to the work of “living real’, but certainly not always comfortable. Seeking meaning is not always the comfortable path.

 I can hear and see at a distance, a lively life here in Tzintzuntzan. But I now sit up on the hillside, looking out on the lovely view, in solitude. That has been a wish for me, and I have it. Having always said I thrive on change and challenge, here is a true test. This is not the same place I came to twice, three years ago. It is not the same world. I  have had a few days of interaction, always with precaution. The first was my arrival date, to meet my friend for the keys, open the Casa Eclipse, and collect a few food supplies at a small tienda. Later in the week I got the keys to my storage unit, and visited the phone store to get my Mexican phone number, followed by another visit to procure food for my pantry. Though I have run out of several things, I am waiting until Monday to resupply. That will put me 14 days in country, and I have an appointment that morning, so just like in West Virginia, doing all I can to consolidate visits to town. Finally, I did take a hike with a small group, being fully conscientious. Mentally, I needed to feel some connection to the world/life I chose, and to support myself emotionally,(and my dogs sorely needed a romp with other canines). Just 4 miles w/others out on a path through fields and trees, really helped me make a step forward and away from the anxiety that had crept in. Beauty brought me back to myself, again.

There has been an interesting balance of beauty and joy with challenge and frustration. My ineptness with the language, and inability to “take care of necessary business” online, something always taken for granted, has become at times unnavigatable. No tech whiz, but I have become a good troubleshooter over the years, and a bulldog of persistence. When, here in Mexico three years ago, I did not experience these issues, no figuring “why”out, so it’s again a matter of letting go of what you thought you knew, and being alright. Celebrating the small victories when they happen, and making sure to get a big dose of beauty in nature, whether for a big hike, a leisurely stroll, or working on the patio sustains me while adjusting to any uncertainty. I lean further into new and different ways of being in the world. Fortunately, I do know someone willing to help me sort things, as others I know would also be, if I did reach out. Yet, I bump up against an ego issue I carry still. My strong need to be self sufficient, independent, and not needing help can turn inward into self doubt and feeling a bother to others. I love to help, guide, work through problems with others, but have a hard time asking for or receiving. Aging has softened this in me, but it has not gone away…work to do, always. I do need help. I am brave enough to ask for it. The practice never ends. There is beauty in truthfulness.

As I address this and other inner issues, I welcome guidance asking for greater awareness with each breath, every step, and in all situations. I also equally feel open to what happens next, not knowing what that might be. Most questions can be easily answered by an honest, “I don’t know.” So much freedom in that response. Too much emphasis is placed on answers, throughout our lives, but Rilke, in Letters to a Young Poet, offers meaningful advice when he writes,

“…And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now, and perhaps someday, far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Before undertaking this huge solo life change, I just went with trusting my “knowing”, to go ahead and walk toward it without expectation. I felt my way through, opened up my heart and mind to the process, and let spirit lead the way. This is where I continue to walk. All is done in beauty.

The well known Navajo closing prayer from the Blessing Ceremony just came through, I guess no surprise, and wants sharing here. Sometimes I sing a shortened version of it when I am with clients, or in my own morning prayers. Here it is.

“In beauty I walk

With beauty before me I walk, 

With beauty behind me I walk

With beauty above me I walk

With beauty around me i walk

It has become beauty again.

Today I will walk out today, everything unnecessary will leave me

I will be as I was before, I will have a cool breeze over my body.

I will have a light body, I will be happy forever, nothing will hinder me.

I walk with beauty before me. I walk with beauty behind me.

I walk with beauty below me. I walk with beauty above me.

I walk with beauty around me. My words will be beautiful.

In beauty all day long may I walk. Through the returning seasons may I walk.

On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.

With dew about my feet may I walk.

With beauty before me may I walk.

With beauty behind me may I walk.

With beauty below me may I walk.

With beauty above me may I walk.

With beauty all around me may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, lively, may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk.

My words will be beautiful.

All is completed in beauty.

Letting Go To Keep Going

There has been silence here on my blog as a deep process has been unfolding. My attention has been elsewhere. I am going to Mexico in January, some of you may know this, but I left it there. Today I want to share more. Many folks may perceive me as an outgoing, talkative person. I can be. Yet honestly I am a pretty private person. Few people know me beyond my "identifications", ones showing I love animals, travel, rural life, ackowledge my political ideas or the commitment to Montessor education that brought me here. Some know my spiritual lifepath guides me. In WV, I have kept a pretty low profile, though attempting over the last couple of years to promote my WisdomWays business, starting up my blog on maraiwise.com and by being increasingly open about "who I am". Yet I keep my own counsel most often and, yes, I am introverted.

I am going to Mexico, and I am choosing to stay. We are selling the farm, though it is not yet listed, and the good man I married 20 years ago and I are choosing to be apart. I am encouraging him to come stay with me for chunks of time, and I intend to return annually to both coasts to see the people I love and will miss deeply. No need to go into the complications of life and relationship. We all know them. This is a huge and challenging transition for both of us. Emotions surface, though our love and care for one another continues to see us through.

I look forward to a new life, in a different culture, with its own beauty, sensibilities, and pace... one without extreme temperatures. I strive for simplicity and meaning, and will let my sense of wonder and curiosity lead the way. The lesson of letting go, releasing, and shedding, both in the 3D everyday world and also on a deeper spiritual level is very real right now. Rick is, and always has been, a man of these Appalachian mountains. His family in Virginia is, and always has been, his center of the universe. Change is not something he has ever sought. I am the polarity. I am fascinated with what can be learned and seen around the corner, and seek new experiences to grow and learn more about the world, myself. My family is all over the country. Though we love one another, we are all very independent. I was encouraged by my parents (and did the same for my children) to strike out and see what was over the next hill.

The years we have lived on this beautiful piece of ground, and all the work, fun, blood, sweet, tears, and laughter will live forever in my heart. Because we chose to commit to this life together for two decades, yes, it is hard to walk away from, but it has been coming for awhile. For me, this change is part of embracing my elderhood in ways that feel good to my body and mind, and following what my "knowing" tells me is best, rather than putting my needs behind the desires others may hold for me. As women, we are apt to do so, just because of who we are.

Greenbrier county, thank you for the rich life you have provided. The people, mountains, rivers, wildlife, the peace of it all, I carry within my heart. Deep gratitude to so many and so much for being part of my West Virginia adventure. I will be here til early January, intending between the packing up and work to sell this magickal spot, to fully enjoy all the life here has to offer. And I will keep writing.

Rhodonite

Lovely Rhodonite is an important heart and root chakra stone. It resonates with both the elements of fire and earth. Like other stones of the pink ray, it promotes the energy of love, but in a more outer directed and grounded way then others, due to its opaque quality. Rose quartz nurtures the heart. Kunzite or pink calcite are stones of love energy activation, preparing the way for external expression. Pink Tourmaline transmits the dynamic expression of joy from the heart. Rhodocrosite is a stone of self love, courage, and altruistic compassion. But rhodonite brings strong love energy into living in the physical everyday world, helping us perceive how love and joy can be found in our day to day activities. Wear or keep this ally in your pocket for assistance in maintaining a loving state of being in trying times. Rhodonite offers a sturdy, dependable support when you need to feel strong, but loving, or when navigating the mundane and/or challenging parts of life. For those with the tendency to give in or give up just to maintain peace, rhodonite is an invaluable friend that enables us to to stay in our heart while holding our ground, thus keeping us in our integrity. When we want to take a stand, maintain love, and channel the strength of your heart, rhodonite is the right choice. For these reasons, this pink and black stone is a true ally in parental, partner, and working relationships.

Truly a stone of power, Rhodonite supports us in perceiving our gifts and then utilizing those gifts to affect necessary changes. As a tool in the recovery of our inner gifts, rhodonite guides us to use them in benefit of our community and the highest good of all. It is a stone of learning and development, encouraging us to expand and perfect our skills. Rhodonite also attracts people and situations best suited for the application of our unique talents to experience the fulfillment of the deep desire to love and be loved. This rosy ally is also a good choice for anyone navigating brokenheartedness or grief, as it restores balance to our emotions in a loving, yet grounded way. There is also the heart/mind connection at work with rhodonite. Its gentle positive energy offers us the wisdom of not taking things too seriously, opening the door to experience delight in whatever mental or physical tasks required of us.

I enjoy this helper in my own life, and finds it often wants to be used in healing work. If emotions feel erratic or unstable, place it on the heart. Used anywhere on the body, this healing stone relays a love vibration into those cells and organs, powerfully initiating the force of love, which can be further directed by breath and visualization. Many things are healed, given enough love, and rhodonite is a powerful teacher. An excellent support for weight loss, detoxification and purification of the physical body, rhodonite stimulates and strengthens the organs, glands, and tissues, allowing them to purify the body more effectively. This ally is good for ridding the body of gall/kidney stones and supporting healing of the liver from damage, and also eases arthritis pain. Finally, rhodonite supports the flow of chi through the body’s meridians, directing it’s vital force to the endocrine system, supporting balanced energy and vitality.

Black Tourmaline

A beautiful raw piece

All the tourmalines are way up on my list of wondrous healers. I know I will write about each of them here eventually, but when I was guided to use stones, black tourmaline was one of the very first to call my name. At the time, I questioned my knowledge and abilities, unsure if the message I received was real. It was black tourmaline, also known as schorl, that assured me, told me to trust, have courage, and go forward. Any piece I hold feels like an old, wise friend and loyal protector. Keeping a special palm stone with me wherever I go, just to run errands in town or travel solo to other countries, I never feel alone or fearful of the unknown, but a strong sense of wellbeing. Black tourmaline resonates with the first (root/base) chakra, and aligns with the earth element.

Honestly, I love all the black stones, obsidian, shungite, jet, merlinite , black kyanite, among them. There are differences, but a bit of common energy also that emanates from each. This ally I find to be a perfect companion to beautiful, bright selenite, which I have written about here also, in this series. Black tourmaline anchors us, deflecting any negative energies away, rather than absorbing them. If we feel we might be entering a negative environment or situation, it is a good time to use black tourmaline for creating a protective shield and neutralizing any heavy dense energies, whether physical or psychic. This black stone facilitates order amidst chaos. Likewise, this ally also reduces our own tendencies toward resentment, jealousy, anger, and insecurity pretty drastically. 

Black tourmaline is second to none when we desire to ground spiritual energy. And it supports us in bringing our practice into everyday life. Feeling scattered, anxious, overwhelmed, or just off center meditate a moment with this stone in hand. Put in in your pocket or on your desk and feel its radiant, strong, calm stabilty. A perfect choice for use on the lower chakras during healings, black tourmaline brings the energies from the upper chakras into the physical body, balancing them with the lower chakras. 

Often schorl can be found in clear quartz crystal, which is then known as tourmalinated quartz, a beautiful polarity of clear white and vibrant black working in concert…a manifestation of dark and light energies joined together in the service of healing, eliminating blockages in both the subtle or physical bodies. IT IS A DEVOTED SERVANT TO THE LIGHT, guiding and supporting us to remain a bright lightbody even the darkest moments. On the emotional plane we find this black ally is a true healer of the drama and the trauma that we hold, often unconsciously, and often affecting our physical health.

Various tourmalines in quartz,

Black tourmaline’s powerful gift of energy transmutation on the earthy plane, assisting our own adjustment to a shifting electromagnetic field, and ability to purify, detoxify, and balance on the physical and emotional planes make it a much needed stone for this time in the world. It is a premier EMF protector, from cell phones, computers, and other devices. As it cleanses and clears out  toxins in our mind and body, black tourmaline also helps us become more consciously aware of what is needed to thrive and be in good health.

Never leave home without it.🖤

Late September Fog

Esplendora coming to the barn

You may need to remember the curve of road

When driving over the mountain at night, 

As all is lost in the low beam of searching headlights.

Sometimes, fog is what is left over from an Indian summer shower,

Holding fast to desire for moisture on a warm afternoon.

I know the science of cooling air, longer nights, humidity, and dew point.

But seeing from high above, the thick sea of fog with its island hills

Down below in these misty Appalachian valleys, there is a conjuring

Of ancestral spells, something ancient, just beyond remembering.

I hear a distant tune, a song in a minor key.

Early morning, I find the sun still behind the slowly lifting veil,

A muted white circle, existing in that certain stillness of “fog quiet”.

Even birdsong is suspended within it.

Walking under the shadowless forest canopy, 

Leaves, just beginning to turn, release a steady, muffled drip,

Mosses and ferns by the creek, so green, 

Shine against the surrounding rock and grey air.

October shows off, and distracted by the dazzle

We don’t mourn the coming loss of color against the sky.

But today, I whistle and watch the horses appear

Out of a silvery shroud, nickering, ready for grain.

Feeling the familiar bittersweetness of Autumn as they join me,  

Rubbing their soft, furry coats, heavier now, 

I take a long deep breath and exhale slowly.

Two tears meet the smile below them.

I am grateful for the slow revelation nature offers —  

The ephemeral curtain, this seasonal pause between what was, 

And what is to come. A secret shared, a memory recalled.

A longing lived, once again.

The Celebration Begins Early

Mabon, better known as Autunmal Equinox falls tomorrow, but the warmth of golden sunlight filling the cool air, the persistent whirring of late September insects, and a call from deep within said… “Begin.” This is a time of healing, healing of the self, and healing of the planet.The gifts and promises of Summer Solstice and Lammas (August Eve) have been given and kept. Because of this, we will make it through the darkness, when there is a suspension of outward growth. This is the universal story of living on earth.

The goddess as the Yule baby has grown( there are other views convening this baby), through her seasons, and now reaches menopause. She accepts her aging, the wisdom learned, and the power bestowed. Inanna, the Sumerian Queen of Heaven approaches the last gate on her descent, all her jewels gone, but one, which remains until Hallows, when it too is taken.

The Eleusinian mysteries were celebrated for centuires, and were open to all people, no matter class, gender, or place in society. Persephone had gone below, and Demeter paused life until her return in the spring.This cycle of birth, death and rebirth, prominently found in the school of women’s mysteries, informed religious celebrations for two thousand years. In Greece, these ceremonies were secretive and known to be life altering. Yet, it is known that a single stalk of wheat was presented in silence to those that attended as a sacred symbol of Demeter and her daughter.

Among Native American tribes, this is also a time of gratitude and honoring the earth. In the Hopi tribes, women go in the kiva, as it is a time of female life force and ceremonial healing. For pagan and wiccan celebrants this is our Thanksgiving. Drink wine, eat bread and fruit to honor the abundance that has been, and feel gratitude that our lives have also been ripened by our experiences. Toast the good seasons that have gone, and those yet to come. Toast the beauty of all women, especially the Crone, the Wayshower for her guidance when The Wheel turns through the barren times of winter, not so very far away.

The balance of day and night are equal. Twice a year especially, we can reflect more deeply on the meaning of balance in our lives. We have an opportunity to consider, light and dark, life and death, giving and taking. Though the year wanes, we emphasize life more than death, as the message of rebirth lives within the harvested seeds. Honor the elements, as it took all of them to bring us to this day. I love this chant and especially like to drum while singing: “ Air moves us, fire transforms us, water shapes us, earth heals us, and the circle of the wheel goes round and round.” Now is a time to explore our creativity in new ways, informed by the old. Happy Mabon! Feel the power!

Moonstone

A selection of moonstone pieces

Though there are a few colors of this revered stone, all have association with the divine feminine and align with the brow and crown chakras (6th and 7th). I feel some pieces resonate more with the water element, and others more with air/wind. Moonstone represents mystery, the Goddess in her power, and enhances our psychic awareness.  With this stone in hand our intuitive gifts grow and we find we are more trusting of those “knowings”. Use it for lucid dreaming or as a tool for greater understanding and clarity of information shared in our dreams. Keep it by the bed, in your pillowcase, or wear it to bed, if you have it in jewelry. You may have read not to use this stone feeling  heightened emotions. I disagree strongly. This ally is a balancer of emotions, and its shining beauty restores emotional balance in both men and women. Helping men access their feminine more receptive side, moonstone leads them toward deeper awareness and communication of feelings, with a greater ability to listen/ “hear” others. For women, moonstone’s energy is supportive, calming and clarifying to our emotional body.

A soother when we are anxious or distraught, moonstone helps connect us to higher planes, allowing us to master our emotions, healing them by bringing them to our higher will. Then there is no need to repress or express. Moonstone stands as a high priestess at the gateway, helping us process our feelings and restore clarity to the situation. With this ally in hand we gain a higher perspective, see the bigger picture, our own place and purpose in life. 

Second to none, moonstone assists our attunement to the cycles of life, within our own body, mind, and spirit, and also in the great spiral of life of which we are a part. With this nurturing stone, we can embrace a non linear way of thinking, increasing our wisdom for when to be patient, when to act, and to truly trust in divine timing. Use moonstone as a guide to self knowledge, and to clear the aura of any stuck or negativity in our energy field. Placing a piece of moonstone on the center of our chin (our “moon center”)and breathing deeply opens us up our intuitive and empathic gifts, and balances our emotions through all chakras. 

Physically, for women, regardless of their age, will benefit from moonstone’s energy. It stabilizes menstrual cycle irregularities, assists with PMS or menopausal symptoms, and supports us in embracing where we are in our lives. For those desiring pregnancy, this stone increases female fertility and also aids in reducing water retention. Moonstone also is soothing to stomach distress and calms indigestion.

Here is a bit more specific information for types/colors of moonstone:

White Moonstone ~ representative of the full power of the full moon. Stimulates all types of psychic perception. Communication with higher realms and dream work. Opens the third eye. Empowers kundalini energy.

Peach Moonstone ~ a sweet nurturing and nourishing energy, encouraging seeing the positive in challenging situations. Awareness of divine love  of the mother. Soothing for sensitive people, especially children.

Grey or New Moonstone ~ Holds the power and potential of the new moon. Magnifier of intention. Assists us in seeing beyond illusion. Guide for journeying into other dimensions or realms.

Rainbow Moonstone (my personal favorite) ~ Increases the “clairs” and all intuitive perceptions. Deflects densities and provides psychic protection.Purifies the emotional body, soothing trauma. Infuses the aura with frequency of joyful grounded energy. Can also assist in Rainbow Body activation and empower us with Goddess energy.

Rainbow moonstone necklace

The Honesty of Animals

Yolandi and Maria

In the golden sunlight of September I sit, doing one of the things I most enjoy in life...watching animals. Whether it be farm animals, pets, or wildlife, whether they be furred, feathered, amphibious or reptilian, I find them fascinating. They surely teach me how to “see” and to have deep patience. Back in the day, had I not been so afeared of science, and pursued it, I think I would have been a damn good field biologist.

Most evenings you’ll find me watching my flock of chickens ages 3 mos to 5 yrs. Even then, there’s the interplay of cats and dogs, herds of deer in the pasture. No matter who I’m watching, it is about their relationship with others, with the environment, and their sense of self. Yes, their sense of self. That’s pretty much the way it is in the human world too, except for the ego part. That instinctual wisdom really is light years beyond ego, (in my humble opinion). Animals bring me peace. The human world not nearly so much. With the animals in my care it is about my relationship with them, but now that I think about it, it’s also about the deer who know me, my routine of chores, and our relationship, the birds that know I fill the feeders, talk to them, and who trust me after all these years.

Mazzy playing on a walk w/ me and the dogs

One thing I love so much about animals is their complete lack of self consciousness. They honestly represent themselves, with no care about anything but direct encounter, sustaining themselves, and finding a place of comfort in their flock, herd, pack. Sometimes it may seem brutal or unfair, but the order of things comes first. Once the order is found, peace exists. I shy away from anthropomorphizing animal behavior, but sometimes what I see, over time, and occasionally in an instant, is out of what we two leggeds consider “the norm”, creating new awareness about creatures and what is even possibile. Animals are surprising, too.

There is so much learned on any given day about need, tolerance, intelligence, resourcefulness, and honesty from a simple flock of chickens, trio of barn cats, herd of horses or deer, gang of turkeys, family dog pack, murder of crows. My life is blessed by observations and interactions. Like many indigenous peoples, that looked to animals for lessons and stories, I too, find truth in animals.

Back deck w/ my friends

September Reflections

My oldest son turned 40 this month, he is working close to 70 hrs a week as essential personnel (postal worker) in Oregon. My younger son lost his job because of the pandemic and was getting by until the feds pulled the plug on their help for unemployed folks, but he’s found temporary work in the cannabis industry. Both of them are in a dangerous situation because of Fire. They are inundated w/ smoke and ash, and a wildfire was less then 30 miles away last night. My husband turned 70 a few days ago and works everyday to continue to do all he’s ever done and not change a single thing.

I remember on Jan 1, saying to myself and a few people, 2020 was going to be a crucial year of change for everyone... personally I had an idea about that. My WisdomWays business would pick up momentum and I’d travel for that, teach and learn, and I would travel for pleasure. On my birthday assessment at the end of August, it was clear I was right and wrong. My business fell off to nothing, yet I’m paying rent to keep a beautiful little office downtown. I did not travel for business or pleasure. All was cancelled. I have done some online learning, loved my animals, the spring and summer in WV, but as autumn approaches, I see the changes did come, and continue to, just not in ways I might have imagined. I would never have imagined the ways people would respond to the “big issues”of the day, covid-19, BLM, natural disasters, and the continued mess and dishonesty within government.

I try to zoom out every so often and see the bigger picture. The person of spirit that I am is aware that evolutionary and revolutionary change is taking place. And I am working to have faith in humankind as a whole... that we will mend ourselves and together heal the bigger diseases of fear and hate. So many inspiring folks, sheroes and heroes stepping forward. I know some of them. In all the suffering and chaos there is opportunity. We can not do everything ourselves.Sometimes I am overwhelmed because I feel I need and want to do it all, yet that just creates anxiety, and then I’m more likely to get stuck, not accomplish any real thing. All I can do is what I can in my own way, at this time and place in my life. And I can trust myself to know the life changes I need to make that will benefit me and others the most while being fully true to myself.

For now I am in this moment writing... but sometimes it is prayer, sometimes drumming and singing, sometimes sharing poetry, sometimes sending letters, sometimes helping one person in some small way, sometimes walking in the woods, sometimes listening to music and dancing, sometimes showing up to a political event, sometimes finding the depth of my optimism and being grateful for all I have. There are many pleasures offered in life. The bigger part is change that happens within. So much of that hinges on letting go, feeling the pain of sadness, grieving for who/what is lost, and remembering love is the first, last, and only way through any of it. I love my children, my grandchildren, my husband, family, friends, and all my critters. I love nature, this small blue and green planet. I often do not have answers, and I’m more free accepting that. I do know love wins the day, we just have to live it.

Becoming and Unbecoming

Early September from Snake Rock

Leaning into the second half of my sixth decade on this earth, so many thoughts and feelings come up for a look see that did not, even ten years ago. I think, “who am I now”?  After all this living, doing, learning, we change. We must. I can find aspects still there from what feels like several incarnations ago…  the child, the maiden, the mother. I am, of course, still a mother, and grandmother, as well, but that essence of being shifted years ago. I think that is healthy, and necessary. It matters not whether you have children, those years of fertile womanhood that carry us from our twenties through our fifties. Ahhh, such a wonderful time of nourishing beauty, creativity, and fullness, yet with so much responsibility attached to it. If we live long enough, at some point the energy of that time of life wanes, and turns elsewhere to what follows.

Throughout our lives we “become more ourselves” as we grow into awareness through our relationships and experiences. Today I am playing with an understanding of the process of unbecoming and what it means. If we refuse to allow the energy of natural transformation, through personal inflexibility or avoidance of change, we may feel more and more uncomfortable in our body, mind, and spirit, perhaps most profoundly in our emotional lives. Depression, anxiety, even grief may loom around the edges or permeate our day to day. And we may not consciously fully understand why we feel as we do. Nothing is static. Look around. The elements, the sun, the moon, the directions, the seasons… there is always movement, always change. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but this is a constant. As I sit on my deck writing this afternoon, I am fully aware of the  subtle shift in light, sound of insects, and look of the  nearby woods and fields that all herald the transition to autumn.The birth, growth, death, rebirth model is everywhere we look. The Medicine Wheel and The Wheel of the Year are two examples given from other cultures that place us humans within the circle, so we can experience the natural transformation that is the miracle of life. We are very much part of this circle/cycle. 

So back to this becoming and unbecoming. I celebrate the wild and free tomboy child, sense the pure emotions of maidenhood with her innocence, romantic aspirations, and seeking ways, and know the courage, effort, and lessons in love that motherhood brought. Yet, I no longer am directed by these energies. To be at peace with what is, relinquishing an image or idea from our past we may have used to define ourselves, is needed. In actuality, the grasping keeps us from it acceptance of ourselves in our completeness, as we are. As we move into the winter of life,(cronehood, for women) we embrace elder wisdom by letting go, allowing our her/history to inform our becoming/unbecoming, and go far beyond who we once were. It is a time of transcendence.

I remember grieving around menopause, although I was nearing sixty. Of course, consciously, I knew I was way beyond wanting children, to even be in that role, but I feared the loss of the sensuality, the creatrix energy that comes from the womb. Though I knew I would carry the lived knowledge of the Mother aspect on with me, I had to choose to unbecome, let go of a fixed idea, and embrace where and what I was moving into. That was eight years ago, and the gift of aging, though it may carry its aches and issues, is really a beautiful place to be on the lifepath. Once we relax into this time we can easily use our intuitive vision, our heart felt wisdom, and find meaningful release of unnecessary trappings. Authentic elderhood brings forth a clear message to speak truth without fear, as part of its purpose. Speak truth to ourselves, as well as to others.

Every morning I do a moving Reiki meditation with words stating the establishment of my divine presence and accomplishment of my divine purpose on this earth. Younger folks feel those words, but as elders we become those words. Who am I now? I am still ever-changing. I am open to becoming, and free to unbecome. I invite you, my fellow travelers, to release and grow, unbecome and become, along with me on our sacred journey.

Transition to autumn down by the creek

Becoming early autumn near the farm

Sodalite

Having just written about the brilliant blue azurite, I follow today with the more commonly known and found, sodalite. This ally is another deep blue stone that has called to me recently, moreso, though I have always admired, and respected it’s power. There are some similarities between these two, but of course, each has its own very specific vibe. Sodalite has white veins of calcite within it (with a wonderful healing energy of its own), or  sunset sodalite has veins of an orange feldspar known as sunstone ( another important healer and energizer) within it. Aligning with the wind/air element, sodalite provides a stone with qualities of great benefit in healing work, be it personal or professional. Sodalite was considered to be a  protection stone in Africa. The Greeks and Celts considered it a stone of prophecy.

As with azurite, this ally is a stone of insight, resonating with the 5th(throat chakra) and the 6th, (brow/ third eye chakra). A blue stone of awakening, sodalite prepares the mind to receive greater intuitive wisdom,(“sight”) and creates an easy channel from the mind to out throat to use our voice of authenticity out in the world. Of all the blue stones, sodalite is probably the most dense, therefore grounding in its energy. With its frequency, sodalite calms and clears the mind, yet guides us to delve into paradox and contradictions within life, ourselves and others. With this stone in hand, we find an ability to better integrate ideas and differences within our thought processes, finding the necessary discipline, efficiency, and organisation for our earthy pursuits. Sodalite is a wonderful ally to take with us on our personal spiritual journey. With its help we can go deep into the subconscious and do the necessary work with greater ease.We know this may be challenging, but sodalite provides support for the dogged persistence and courage we need to “see” and make the progress we seek.

A sodalite pendulum and various pieces

Using this blue stone, opens a portal to truly trusting our intuition in ways that positively affect our lives, releasing us from self judgement, and self doubt when decision making. This ally will show us our life lessons, and where we are on our path to understanding them. Sodalite’s groundedness keeps the magick real as we grow spiritually, keeping us unattached to ego as we progress. Want to detach, use sodalite. Need direction, use sodalite. Want to move away from over emotionalism toward balance and stability, keep sodalite near. Old mental patterns can be released more easily with this stone ’s energy, guiding us into the realm of more conscious thinking.Think of the white lines, as the light that comes through like stars in a clear blue night sky, or the orange lines as energy from the fiery core of the earth that brings us to a place of truthful, creative joy. Sodalite bolsters our faith in ourselves, supporting us as we work through any fears, guilt, or shame that still reside within us.

A sunset sodalite pendant

I have found this stone to prefer direct placement on the skin, on any energy centers or held in the palm to have the most strongly positive effect. Place it to purify the mind, calm anxiety, activate the pineal gland, release anger or any rampant emotion, focus attention, mediate. Physically, sodalite assists in assimilating calcium, balancing metabolism, cleanse the organs and lymphatic system, and reduce fever and blood pressure. This stone also stimulates fluid absorption, preventing water retention, and is an emotion and physical balancer for those that suffer wih PMS or menopausal symptons. Sodalite’s calming presence can relieve any conditions caused by inflammation. An excellent choice for students, teachers, writers or business people, this blue stones is a true multi purpose ally. 

Sunset sodalite palmstone

Thoughts on my Birthday

Dolly Sods wilderness 1 year ago.

I’m marking my 66th solar return today, since I turn 67. As most people do around my age, I wonder how I got here and lament the fast passing of time. And though I have the creaks and sometimes groans of a well lived physical life, my heart has always felt like that of a youngster. Though I have not written on this blog about the Covid-19 situation in the world, it certainly has impacted me, these last several months, but more on an emotional level. I live in a place far removed from hot spots and I have been cautious and respectful of the tenacity and contagion of the virus. Back in March, i had planned a three week pet sit  to a lovely Mexican city I spent four months in a few years ago. Of course it was a no go. I changed my flight to get to a Shamanic Reiki event I was planning to attend in early August off the Washington state coast. Well, it was also cancelled. All this keeping me home, with an eye on the news of the coronavirus, nailed my wandering feet to the ground on the farm. Not that I don’t love this place I have lived on the last 20 years, and the lifestyle with which it has blessed me, but I have always known home is really where I am, and I long to see home from the perspective of many different places. I have often thought I might need an airstream w/ a placard  saying, “WisdomWays Nomadic Reiki.” Every destination an option, every spot home for awhile.

Aging has made me want to lighten my load of stuff, and get rid of outdated belief systems and expectations. Change is not the scary piece for me. Restriction of movement, any tether to my freedom to choose or change, is where my resistance exists. I have been accused of “never being satisfied”, and perhaps that is a bit true. I do look closely at that, yet feel my need is really not about dissatisfaction, but more about curiosity and desire. No need to judge what is an integral truth.  Most of my traveling has been solo. That is the way I like it. There is authentic freedom. I have been called “selfish”, and maybe that is so. And I have come to accept that word as positive in my vocabulary as meaning “I love myself”. The Virgo in me tends to cater to the needs of others when they are present. “What do they need?”,  “What do they want to do?”, “Are they tired, hungry,  bored?”… and giving those thoughts and feelings precedence over my own. When I am on my own, living life is quite different. I decide how I feel that moment, where I want to go, or stay, when to eat, sleep, and no one is second guessing my decisions about the length of the drive, difficulty of the hike, or generally questioning my plans. I trust myself. Immersion into the chosen experience (whatever it is) is all that is called for.  When I am in this scenario, my senses are heightened to all the diversity and beauty everywhere with the freedom to just “listen” to my intuition without distraction, and take it in. 

Add Covid to all the ways I feel on this birthday, and I realize I have taken on some of the collective anxiety, though I meditate on this time in the world, with its great potential for a much needed awakening. People are suffering, so many lives lost on our earth.  We are faced more now perhaps with questions of our mortality. As I move toward 70, I can say honestly, I am not fearful of my own death, but (and a big one) there is much more I want to do, places I want to see, experiences to have, before that next great adventure waiting on the other side of this incarnation. After spending four months in stunning New Zealand winter before last, I wondered if going there, my number one bucket list item, would change me. Nope. It actually made we want to do more. I consciously chose to stay put for more than a full year, calling it my sacred winter of wisdom in West Virginia. There had many when I was still Montessori guide and committed to that work. Those years had me longing to explore the world, when I was done. During this year, I devoted time to making my business successful in the close by town, renting an office space, creating the literature, promoting my Reiki  practice. I felt some good movement toward interest, saw clients, and then in March it all shut down. The time, for me, has felt “chosen” to give the space needed to discern a deeper clarity concerning my soul’s work and the callings of my heart. There has been a distance created from those that might have been advisors, or in different times, where I might have sought engagement with others, and did not. It is far easier to look for ways to help, rather than looking in the mirror.

Courage feels to be the lesson. And it takes many forms. Communing with this place I have lived and loved has been a daily practice. My night dreams have offered some awareness that I likely was consciously avoiding. Seldom have I felt such “dark night of the soul” experiences show up and kick around for days or weeks at the time, over this past year. Confusion has been rampant at moments. I acknowledge when we are trying to figure it all out mentally, and not allowing ourselves to feel what we feel, overwhelm can take charge. I DO have resources though, and I have learned to “ let go”, though the struggle feels righteous and real. Calling in the elemental spirits, source energies, and the Light ( with a capital “L”), doing the solitary ritual work, releasing myself from attachments I thought were long ago over and done with, drumming and singing , working with stones, has been my task. I have been attentive. Looking at my astrology and that of the times,  traveling the medicine wheel, using cards, and other tools with which I am familiar has supported the process. Add this 67th year, numerologically, 6+7=13, 1+3 =4, with 08+25+1953= 6, my life path number, and you get the stability and practicality of 4 with the healing, unconditional love, and nurturing energy of Gaia of 6, and you get 4+6=10, 1+0=1. One is the number of breaking ground, momentum, independence, and embracing new beginnings.

So here I sit on my birthday, alone with chickens, dogs, and cats around me, sorting through the experiences of a truly paradoxical year of everything changing, and everything remaining the same. As a lightworker, I know no matter what unfolds, I am called to honor that path, always wherever I go, whoever I am with. And I trust the guidance that shows up. Think I will go catch my good mare and go for a ride under the cloud filled sky, beneath the trees, by the water, with the breeze moving all around. That always opens up the channels to spirit. And I feel there is a shining path ahead, and I plan to take it. 

This August on the Greenbrier River

Azurite

Sparkly gemmy azurite

This dark blue stone has been calling to me during at the last couple of weeks to help with some personal challenges, as well as sodalite, another blue stone. Because I have been using and exploring with them, I thought it might be the right moment to share some information about these two here. Today I choose to write about azurite, also known as the “stone of heaven”. Revered by both ancient Egyptians and First Nations peoples, this stone assists in contacting spiritual guides and raising awareness into a God/Goddess-conscious state. Azurite resonates with the fifth, sixth, and 7th chakras, activating them in several different ways, including achieving deep meditation, cutting through the veils of illusions/delusions, and giving a restless mind ease and clarity. Aligning with the air/wind element, azurite is a stone of true insight, intuition and an enhancer of vision. Azurite promotes the proper and accurate flow of knowledge available through consciousness, and heightens our connection with the divine.

With this ally’s guidance, we can see our own deeper motivations when the power of ego becomes involved, and shift our focus back to deeper truths and seek/work for the good of all.  Protecting us at times when there may be the tendency to be misled, this blue stone helps us discern the motivations of others (even when they can not themselves) keeping us aligned with spirit.This stone will keep us be truthful with ourselves and others, guiding us to face our fears, and supporting our will and courage to make the changes needed. A wonderful ally for lightworkers, mediums, and healers in general, azurite heightens our own psychic awareness, yet keeps us objective, non judgemental and clear. As a conduit for connecting to the six “clairs”, azurite is second to none. For moving energy through all level’s of one’s being, from the most dense to the most subtle, azurite offers its unique gift. This vibrant stone is certainly a catalyst for transformation.

A cabachon. a nodule, and a tumbled piece

In the realm of emotions, this stone helps keep us calm when discord arises, eliminating overreaction, frustration, and anger. When we are agitated, anxious, or aggravated, azurite is good to keep handy. An excellent choice for a student, or just a “student of life” because of its strong assistance when retrieving, integrating, and synthesising information, this blue ally also is helpful when memorization is required. 

In the physical world, azurite supports flow and balance of the circulatory system, and is a great choice for health practioners, acupuncturists, or anyone that works with the body’s meridians. This stone also is a purifier of the gall bladder and liver, stimulator of the thyroid, and supporter of cerebral and nerve activity. For relieving migraines, and lessening tinnitus ,this stone is an strong ally. In a healing session azurite nodules can be placed on the body to remove blockages or congestion. As the energy penetrates  the body, the reason for the blockage or congestion will surface into the mind, revealing the causes of psychosomatic illnesses, that can then be addressed. 

A piece of azurite malachite and nodules